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My son in and out of prison and messing with drugs
My son has been in juvenille hall most of his young life and in and out of prison throughout his young adult life. He is only 23 and has 3 beautiful girls that need him. I raised him until he was 11 as a single parent with no support whatsoever but a meeting for parents of children with ADHD once a month. After that I lost jobs because he was always getting suspended from school and started getting in trouble with the police. He has been on meth and stealing cars and God knows what else and I just pray and pray hoping he'll run into someone that will make that lightbulb go off for him as it did you.
What does one have to do to have you speak at a prison or even in person? My son is in Chino Mens Institute in California. He is supposed to get out February 3rd, 2010, if he dosen't get into any fights, etc. I am desperate for my son and so worried about his future and the future of his children! Could you help in any way? |
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GrandmaG,
It is awesome that your son is getting another chance, and with three little girls he certainly has a lot of incentive to do well. I often speak to inmates at halfway houses here in Colorado, and mentor others that have been released. I am willing to speak at any prison or community corrections program for free. However, I would require that all travel expenses be paid for any presentations outside of the Denver metro area. I try to take advantage of every opportunity that I can to help others be successful and to experience the peace, joy, and happiness that I have experienced. I know that your son can be successful if can just Choose to do Right - one choice at a time. Hopefully he will read my book and apply the principles and concepts in his life. Here are a few other suggestions:
1. If he truly wants to be successful he cannot start hanging out with old "friends" again. He must totally sever all ties with them. If he wants to be successful he needs to hang out with successful people.
2. Ask him to write down his goals and everything he wants out of life - and all the reasons he has to stay out of prison. Then post this list somewhere that he can see it on a daily basis.
3. Ask him when will it be time to change and turn his life around? If not now - when? Next time he gets out of prison if he makes it that far - or the next? Ever?
4. Tell him that there is no use him getting out of prison if he is just going to end up going back.
5. Let him know that if he just continues doing what he has been doing that he sill end up going back to prison. He must DO something to turn his life around - or nothing is going to change.
6. Have him write down a list of all the reasons why he shouldn't use drugs or alcohol. Have him keep this list at all times and look at it whenever he is tempted to use drugs.
7. When he craves drugs or alcohol he must remind himself that "these cravings will pass." Each time he overcomes a craving he will get stronger - and the cravings will become weaker.
8. Have him take a look at his life and try to identify the underlying cause for his addictions. What is he hiding from? What void is he trying to fill?
What happened? He obviously hasn't had this addiction his whole life, so when did it start? Why did it start?
9. In order to be successful he will need to fill the void left by his old addictions/habits. He will need to find new habits/hobbies to replace the old ones. We can't live our lives in a vacuum - something will have to take the place of these bad habits. He can go on walks, read, write a book, keep a journal, go to the gym - one of the best ways to keep busy and focused is to continually serve others (especially those three little girls of his).
10. Tell him to have a positive attitude, be thankful for everything he has, and to believe in himself. Make sure he knows that he is worth it and that his girls need a father.
I hope that this helps. Please keep me updated, and let me know if there is anything else that I can do.
-Andrew
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Andrew,
Thanks for your response. After my son got out of prison, he went back to his old ways not even a day later. He started doing meth again and gambling and didn't even report to his PO. I am so worried he is going to kill himself on these drugs and my heart is broken because he is so sad, lost and I cannot even imagine how awful he feels about himself. I feel so helpless and sad. He said he wants to do the drugs and likes them and he'll never change because he's a screw up. I am so afraid of getting that dreaded phone call that something bad has happened to him. How do the counseling and drug programs work in prisons? Will he get help with the drugs? I don't think they knew he had a problem the last time he was in. My son always had ADHD and depression and has self-medicated. I just desperately want him to be helped and not just locked up again because I know he's headed back to prison, it's just a matter of time before they catch him again. Please help!!!! Is there really no hope of him changing? I'm so worried! |
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GrandmaG,
I am sorry to hear that your son has returned to his old habits and addictions. It sounds to me like he doesn't believe in himself or value himself very much right now. If he did he wouldn't be doing the irresponsible things that he is doing. I know that you would do anything for him to just be happy. And I wish that there was something that I could do. But your son holds the keys to his own change. We can help give him the tools and knowledge needed to change - but he must use these things on his own.
However, don't give up hope. At 23 I wasn't ready to change either - despite the pleadings of both my mother and father. It wasn't until I was sent back to prison that committed to make the effort and sacrifice necessary to change. I just pray that your son makes choice to turn his life around before he is sent back to prison again - I wouldn't wish prison on anyone.
The first step is somehow getting him to recognize a need to change. You may be able to do this by helping him identify something that is more important to him than just doing what he feels like doing at any given moment - a "higher power". This could be his daughters, family, freedom, love, God, or even just wanting to stay out of prison. |
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